Dear Christine, What if in Westland

  • Posted on September 24, 2018 at 10:20 am

Dear Christine, i’ve been bi for 6 years… but have always been too nervous to date a girl (or maybe just trying to hide) i’m right now dating a boy. i’ve been with him for a year and a half and for a while we were inseparable, planning to marry and be together forever. the works. but about 2 months ago he dumped me out of the blue. i went crazy and after about a month convinced him to give it another try. but he doesn’t love me anymore. things are very weird and definitely not the same. as this goes on, i’m losing interest. i’ve been thinking about finally coming out to the public and giving up on hiding or whatever it is i’ve been doing. here’s my big problem. i’m madly in crush with this girl i know who i met last year right in the midst of the good part of my relationship with my bf. i thought she was super gorgeous then, but now it’s consuming my every thought. i think about her constantly and it’s driving me crazy not knowing what to do. i kind of want to break up with my boy and pursue her, but i’m afraid of losing what MIGHT come of this current relationship (i know what you’re thinking, hanging onto “what-if’s” is bad news) cause it used to be so good. but i can’t help but feel what i do for this girl and i feel like i’m mentally cheating. ALSO, i don’t know if she would be with me. she’s bi and recently out of a serious relationship with a girl (2 years long) and is a real flirt. she flirts with a mutual guy friend of ours and with me. she even kissed me at a party we went to (but we were drunk, so this could mean nothing to her, right?) and was dancing with me and stuff. but when she flirts with me it seems like it’s always when we have some drinks in us. i also text her on the phone alot and get only few reply’s. but when she does reply she calls me cutie or sweetheart and stuff like that. AHHH i don’t know what the heck to do with myself. oh yah, one more thing. we’re moving in together in june. (as friends), what if in westland

Dear What if, I think you’re right. “hanging on to ‘what if’s’ is bad news!” If he doesn’t love you any more and you’re losing interest, what is the point of staying with him? Listen to yourself! Trust yourself!

Sounds like you’re a bit confused about who you are: bi, lesbian, whatever. So, take some time to figure out yourself, for you, not for the public. If you are lesbian and are in the closet, look at your life, your needs, and your loves, and decide if that is really you. After you’re clear with yourself, you’ll be coming out in public the rest of your life, over again with each new person you meet.

As far as moving in with this woman you’re flirting with, I’d seriously reconsider moving in “as friends” if you are considering a romantic relationship with her! That’s moving in even faster than the usual lesbian joke: what do lesbians do on the second date: get a U Haul! It’s emotionally safer to live separately while you figure yourself out and decide if you’re lesbian or not, and if you want a fling or something more with this friend. Like you said, you don’t know your interactions with her mean to her. That would be important to find out before moving in with her, for both of your sakes. Follow your own path, seeking your truth and your happiness, and you will know when you have figured out who you really are deep down inside. Trust the process and love yourself FIRST!

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

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