Dear Christine, Falling Short Of Love in Livonia

  • Posted on July 23, 2018 at 10:45 am

Dear Christine,

I have been involved in a gay relationship for four years. For the past few months times have been tough, though somehow we got through them. A year ago my partner’s father died and left her with nothing. Her mother put up the money on a house and moved in with us. This was the only way my partner could afford to buy a house. I contribute to the house payment but own nothing of the property. My lover’s mother suffers from a mental disorder which causes her to go completely off her head at times and not remember a thing. I am starting to resent my partner for dragging me into this situation, even though I consented to the whole thing. My other problem is my best friend left last month to work overseas. I miss her terribly and told her I have been in love with her for three years. It started with a game of Truth or Dare. I regret mentioning my feelings as I am afraid of losing my best friend. I just want to run away. The walls of my life are closing in, and I don’t know where the door is anymore.  Sincerely, Falling Short of Love

Dear Falling Short Of Love,

Your partner comes with baggage, as we all do. She has mental instability, the recent death of her father, financial difficulties and her mom helping her buy the house you 3 live in together. You are still in love with your best friend of three years, whom you fell in love with while you were with your current partner, and who moved far away. You’ve got to think about what you really need and really want in your life. Where is your heart? Can you commit to this partner with her baggage, or do you need to let go and pursue your best friend, risking ending up being alone? When you have decided what is in integrity for you, then communicate your needs to your partner. If it is to be with her, then commit fully to supporting her with all her baggage. You can’t count on her changing, though she probably will. What she changes is not in your control, and if you can’t accept her the way she is now, you’re living a lie. Be honest with yourself, even if it means you end up being alone. If so, it would be a good time to really figure out who you are and what you want in your life, and then go create it! Don’t settle, be honest and make a decision.
Love is a many splendored thing, but sometimes it doesn’t last. Committed relationships are based on love, but also on supporting each other, sharing values, respect, honesty, trust, friendship and goals for a future together. The “in love” stuff that the Japanese call “Love Psychosis” lasts only 6 – 18 months, and then then you need to find more in common with your partner and deepen the intimacy or you’ll drift apart.

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

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