Dear Christine, Dying to Not Know in Dundee

  • Posted on December 3, 2018 at 10:12 am

Dear Christine,

Everything seems outwardly fun in my relationship I’ve been with my partner Marc for over 10 years but the other day I saw his phone and it was buzzing in there was a text message from a guy and it was definitely sexually explicit and it sounds like there something going on because I was being a little nosy I didn’t say anything I’m afraid to say anything because everything is going so great and I’m afraid if I say something it’ll be true I don’t want to break the status quo yet. I have to know I think.

Dying to Not Know in Dundee

Dear Dying,
The Washington Post has a phrase at the top of its masthead that applies here:  “Democracy dies in darkness”.  And relationships die in darkness too.  So, you say there’s “outward fun” in your decade together with John, but I would appear that under that cover of fun is a different story.

What kind of relationship do you really want?  One where he sneaks around and has sexting going on on the side?  And in which you are “being nosy”?  Right now, you have a Schroedinger’s Cat Paradox relationship.  As long as it is in the box, it is still both alive and dead at once!  Once you open the box, you will find a cat, and you will know which it is.

So, do the thinking you need to do.  Trust your decision and go with it.  Then, you can ignore the sexting on the side, or confront John, whichever is in integrity for you to do.  Don’t confide in friends about this, as they are not impartial.  If you need to bounce your thoughts off of someone, call a therapist who will keep your confidence.  Good luck, either way.

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

Click here to email Christine.

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