I am in the school of life, still growing and healing because there’s no age limit: Two steps forward: I’m bubbly, happy. “At last! You got this girl!” I tell myself. Suddenly I find myself three steps back: I stumble, fall on my butt, scrape my knees. I’m crying from the emotional strictures. This is my curriculum: Two steps forward, three steps back, stumble, fall and pick myself up.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.
Ad infinitum
That’s how it feels.
I walk west in the busy Webster Road because the sidewalks are snowmelt lakes. I tune into a song in my inner jukebox. I’ve decided my DJ is Archangel Gabriel. He plays a trumpet, so it’s only logical that he decides what disc I hear during vespers walks.
“I am 16 going on 17,
I know that I’m naïve
Fellows I meet may tell me I’m sweet
and willingly I believe…
“I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18
I’ll depend on you”
In the 2025 First Fake Spring sunshine, I keep walking in the street, avoiding cars splashing puddles or hitting me. A couple of blocks later I’m headed south on Tyler Road, still immersed in “The Sound of Music.” Now Mother Superior’s alto voice is booming in my mind:
(“Climb ev’ry mountain,
Search high and low,
Follow ev’ry byway,
Every path you know.)
Climb ev’ry mountain,
Ford ev’ry stream,
Follow ev’ry rainbow
Till you find your dream.
A dream that will need all the love you can give
Ev’ry day of your life for as long as you live.
Climb ev’ry mountain,
Ford ev’ry stream,
Follow ev’ry rainbow
Till you find your dream.”
I missed the first verse because I never remember all the lyrics of any song. And so far none of my spirit DJs offer all the lyrics. Finally, I hear the only song I know from “Frozen” and I sing along: “Let it go! Let it go! Da, da-da da da da-da-da da!”
The messages of three songs are easy to decipher! 1. I am forever young and naïve. I need someone to depend on. 2. I need to explore the world around me and live life to the fullest. 3. When frustrations arise, “let it go!” But none of that is so easy. My emotions have me feeling like a yoyo. I still believe once I pick myself up and wipe my eyes, I’m ready to keep moving forward: lesson learned. The school of life is something you never graduate from. The lessons just keep coming, as long as you choose to stay enrolled.
I can’t know what I don’t know. That’s part of my problem: I live life trying to prepare for the myriad of things that just might go wrong. And this literally drives me crazy. Everyone knows we can’t control what happens. Yet I keep looking for problems that just might arise and how I might prevent them. You know, like forest fires! This Fake Spring walk helps me notice that I can’t predict what actually does happen. For example, I did not see a spring day coming today! It isn’t a problem to be solved, but it’s an example of my inability to predict the future! What might my life be like if I could wake up to a new day full of unseen events and approach it as an opportunity, not a failure of planning?
Now I’m walking east on 12 Mile to Amici’s restaurant, but they are closed on Mondays. I stop in the Council Thrift Store and wander around, wondering where to go next. I like having direction, a goal. And I now realize that’s a sign of someone who isn’t leaving life up to serendipity!
The recently expanded store offers gently used furniture, clothes and housewares. I see a poster in a frame for $15 and smile. It brings forth a warm memory of the first poster I bought in Jerusalem in 1979. I couldn’t read Hebrew then, but it was beautiful example of illuminated calligraphy that I wanted to learn. I assumed correctly that it was a Psalm and King David played the harp. My poster was backed on rigid foam, never framed. It graced my walls for decades. I don’t know where it is now. But I know I needed to see this particular Psalm 1 poster today.
1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked…
2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers…
6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous.
The one who is following the Lord and meditates day and night is like the tree planted by the stream and the tree flourishes and does not wither. That sounds like me! She flourishes! That is me! As I am the tree, the lesson is, just be a tree. Soak in the plentiful resources from the stream, the sun, the beautiful garden and just BE! Be a human BE-ing!
No more pushing, trying, worrying. Everything I need is all around me as a tree. As a human, go explore the magnificent mountains and streams and rainbows. Just be! Trust the DJ of the inner juke box. Lean into the serendipity of the universe and everything will unfold exactly as is intended.
Smiling, I breathe deep the warm breeze and turn north onto Griffith Avenue. The sun is setting behind me, illuminating my steps. I whisper to myself: “Let it go” Christine, “Let it go.” On this unseasonably warm February day, I’m beginning to grasp that the universe has greater wisdom than I will ever have and the unfolding will be magnificent.