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Feeling the Spark in Saginaw

  • Posted on May 31, 2016 at 9:35 am

Dear Christine,

I’ve only been in love twice in my life.  Both times it was instant attraction and both times it turned into relationships that lasted over 15 years.  I thought love wouldn’t hit me again.  I meet people all the time and haven’t even felt a spark in years. Well, I feel the spark. I just recently met two lovely women and I’m head over heals for one of them.  I don’t know what to do.  The more time I spend with them, the stronger it gets. I have one friend that says all’s fair in love and war and another that says it’s just wrong to lust after a friend’s wife.  Thanks for any thoughts you have to share. 

Signed, Feeling the Spark in Saginaw

Dear Sparked,

You have a dilemma.  You are single, not looking for love, and then love presents itself!  But she’s not available!  Now you get to make some hard choices based on your values and being blunt and honest with yourself.  What do you really want?  Do you continue contact if that is fueling futile desires?  Do you tell her?  Is she already aware?  How about her wife?  Has she caught on to your attraction?  What do these two lovely women want?  Friendship?  More?

The story of your life, thus far, is when you fall in love, it is instant, with someone who is available and who also is attracted to you, and who also is interested in a long-term relationship.  OK, now, you have unexpectedly fallen in love with someone who doesn’t fit that whole pattern.  What do you do?  Your friends have differing opinions, but all that really matters is what you believe, who you are and how you can live with yourself.

Can you just be friends with these two, even as love for one is growing?  Can you be honest with them about the situation?  Do you want to woo the one away from her wife (all’s fair, etc)?  Do you respect their relationship and commitment?

The only person you have to live with through all this is you.  Search your heart, your soul, and decide what you must do to have peace with yourself now, but also in the future.  Communicate what you need to, to friends, to this couple, to this woman.  This could be a wonderful opportunity, or it could be a nightmare.  It all depends on your values, morals and needs.  If you choose to pursue this woman, then you become vulnerable to everyone else’s opinions and possible rejection, including from this woman herself.  Do some journaling, take some long walks and think about what could happen if you take one choice, then if you take the next, and so on.  Then go and do whatever is truly in integrity for you.  Good luck.
Christine C. Cantrell, PhD.