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Reading Books in Richmond

  • Posted on August 29, 2016 at 9:49 am

Dear Christine,

My wife and I love to read.  I’m into history and historical fiction and her, psychological thrillers.  Recently she found a list of 13  “must read” psychological thrillers.  She has taken her love of reading to a new high and no longer has time for anything else but work, come home and read and start all over again.  We used to come home from work and talk over dinner, maybe take a walk or do yard work together and then perhaps snuggle on the couch, each with a good book.  He obsession with finishing these 13 books is causing me to feel somewhat neglected. I have voiced my objection and her answer is, As soon as I finish these books, we will go back to normal.  At least she agrees, this isn’t normal!  She is about half way through her list.  So at the pace she’s reading, I have another 6 to 8 weeks of neglect which is making me feel everything from anger to loneliness to just plain sad. Should I risk a fight and demand more time with her or just try and be patient for another month or two? 

Sincerely,

Reading Books in Richmond

Dear Reading,

I’m assuming you two have been living together for a number of years at this point.  Reading now is taking precedence over deep conversations, long stares into each other eyes and hot sex!  So, how long has it been?!

I don’t think I have had a question about reading interfering with a relationship before!  Texting, FaceBook, TV, friends even porn, yes!  But reading is new.  So at least you both are using your imaginations and keeping your brains fit.  Is there any time in your relationship in which you touch base with each other and see how each of you is doing/feeling?  I hope so.  That would be an excellent time to let her know that you are feeling replaced by some books and you could make a request that there be some time set aside without reading that you could attend to each other’s needs and feelings.

If not, then it’s important to let her know in a moment she doesn’t have her nose in a book, that you need to talk and connect with her and let her know how you have been missing her.  Have you had a date night?  Any time with just the two of you alone together?  Over dinner?  Before bed?  Or are books and electronic devices invading all times you might otherwise connect.  Speak up and let your feelings be known.  Waiting another 6-8 weeks seems a long time, but if you’ve already spent 20 years together, perhaps it’s a relatively small amount of time and will pass quickly.

It is important for couples to spend time checking in with each other and reconnecting their emotional, social and sexual connections with each other.  Ask for that if you’re not getting that at all.  If she puts these 13 books before you, then you clearly know where you stand.  That is a different issue.  Write me again if that is the outcome, ok?!

Christine C Cantrell, PhD,

Psychologist