You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'LGBT'.

Dear Christine, Falling Short Of Love in Livonia

  • Posted on July 23, 2018 at 10:45 am

Dear Christine, I have been involved in a gay relationship for four years. For the past few months times have been tough, though somehow we got through them. A year ago my partner’s father died and left her with nothing. Her mother put up the money on a house and moved in with us. This was the only way my partner could afford to buy a house. I contribute to the house payment but own nothing of the property. My lover’s mother suffers from a mental disorder which causes her to go completely off her head at times and not remember a thing. I am starting to resent my partner for dragging me into this situation, even though I consented to the whole thing. My other problem is my best friend left last month to work overseas. I miss her terribly and told her I have been in love with her for three years. It started with a game of Truth or Dare. I regret mentioning my feelings as I am afraid of losing my best friend. I just want to run away. The walls of my life are closing in, and I don’t know where the door is anymore. …

Dear Christine, Jeff in Jackson

  • Posted on June 11, 2018 at 9:03 am

Dear Christine, I have been hanging out with this guy for about 6 weeks.  We get together about twice a week for dinner and movie at home or sometime a date out or an event.  We really enjoy each other and I love the cozy intimate evenings at home just watching TV and cuddling on the sofa.  We started out agreeing that it would be casual as neither of us felt we were in the right place to start something serious.  So, besides the 2 times a week we hang out together there is little if any communication.  I have no idea how he is feeling and I am afraid to let him know that I am starting to feel a lot.  It’s just so easy when we’re together at home and sexually, it is the best ever.  I don’t think I have ever felt this strong about anyone.  It feels like we are really a couple, but the time between visits, it feels like he’s a million miles away.  I don’t want it to end but at some point I want to tell him my feelings.  Should I wait and enjoy this and maybe give him time to start…

Dear Christine, Needing Privacy in Novi

  • Posted on April 21, 2018 at 10:52 am

Dear Dr. Christine, I live in a house with both of my parents. Lately, they are driving me insane. I have no privacy whatsoever. They go through my phone, and they involve themselves too much in my life. I’m growing up! How do I get them to back off? I was wondering if you could answer these questions: 1.) Why do many teenagers feel that their parents invade their privacy? 2.) Is there a reason that parents do this? 3.) How can this be resolved? Needing Privacy in Novi Dear Needing Privacy, Being a teen, dependent on your parents and trying out how to be an adult is a tough stage of life. Your parents, most likely, have your best interests in heart, and they were teens once, and they remember what they did. Parents are legally responsible for you, so they may invade your privacy, i.e. search your room to see if you are smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol or doing drugs. Hopefully they aren’t reading your journal (does anyone journal privately anymore?). Are they tracking where you go on the Internet? Do they ask intrusive questions? Do they have unreasonable demands? The best approach with parents is to be…

Dear Christine, Sworn to Secrecy in St. Clair Shores

  • Posted on December 18, 2017 at 7:08 am

Dear Christine,  A gay male friend of mine told me in confidence that he was sexually assaulted by an older gay man who is a fairly well known member of the community. He made me swear never to tell anyone. I know as a woman, that feeling of sweeping it under the rug all too well, however, I’m older and less easily intimidated today. I guess I should keep his promise but what do I say to someone who shares that kind of story with me? And what is my responsibility, if any, do I have to report the abuse? With stories like this hitting the airwaves lately, I just don’t know what to do. Thanks, Sworn to Secrecy in St. Clair Shores Dear Sworn, I have been hearing versions of this question from my clients that past 6 weeks. Our society has ignored victims and survivors of sexual abuse and harassment too long! And not all of the survivors are women, as your gay male friend proves. I believe truth needs to come out, but being a survivor of sexual abuse, myself, I also respect the survivor’s process in coming to grips with the abuse. Telling anyone (you) is…

Dear Christine, Reasonable in Rochester, Part II

  • Posted on November 27, 2017 at 7:37 am

By Christine Cantrell, PhD, LP Dear Christine, I wonder if you have any good articles or references about transgender or more specifically, non-binary people that describes the uses of pronouns.  We have a situation in our Indivisible group that people have taken offense and some are not understanding about pronouns.  Sincere leaders are trying to mend fences and have withstood some kind-of mean attacks and their apologies weren’t accepted.  We can’t get anything done if we can’t talk to each other.  What would you suggest? Signed, Reasonable in Rochester, MI Dear Reasonable, This is a complicated topic, so I will answer in three parts. Part 1 is on Gender Identity Part 2 is on Transgender Issues. Part  3 will explore Pronoun Issues Part 2 By age 3 or 4, most children comprehend gender and identify themselves as a specific gender.  Sometimes a small female looking child might wish for a penis, not understanding what surgery would entail, but by age 13 or 14, children are mature enough to make decisions about their lives. This is gender dysphoria. One treatment decision might be to block hormones in puberty to give these children a few years more to decide what…

Dear Christine, Worried in Westland

  • Posted on December 31, 2016 at 12:35 pm

Dear Christine, Ok, I recently hooked up with my gay friend at his Holiday party and the whole situation is a little complicated. Everyone who knows about this says im gay when I think im still more bi-curious (more than a little actually) and whats bothering me is despite the fact the we said we we’re going to take all this slow, it feels almost like he’s trying to push me faster than im comfortable with emotionally. We’ve already experimented in more physical ways (not the big physical stuff, just experimenting) and im perfectly fine with it, but lately he’s been laying some serious emotional stuff on me, telling me how he really really cares about me and its only been two weeks since we hooked up. With all this emotional stuff going on im finding it harder and harder to get into him anymore but I don’t want to hurt him because we work together and have been friends for years and im afraid if I do hurt him he’s going to do something stupid and try hurting himself again. Its gotten to the point im making excuses not to come over and see him despite the fact that just a few days ago I wanted nothing more than to be over there as much as possible. What do you make of it, im confused and I don’t want to hurt him. Do you have any advice? Im scared because he’s really turning me off to him and I don’t want to hurt him but he’s just getting emotional too fast. one last thing id like to mention, im the physically clingy one who always wants to be close/cuddle he’s the more emotional one and he’s looking for a steady relationship, but as I mentioned I think im still in the bi-curious experimentation phase so I really don’t want to enter into a relationship till im 100% sure about all this.

Worried in Westland

Dear Worried,

Yes, please, do talk with him! Be completely honest and let him know that he’s going too fast for you and that you care about him and don’t want to be rejecting him and being the one to put the brakes on this relationship. If you have a friendship and he understands that you really do want to try this, and you do not want to hurt him, but need a slower pace, he’ll get it and give you some space. It sounds to me like he is in danger of driving you with the emotional pressure. Ask him if your being more physically clingy is giving him the wrong message about your bi-curious experimentation, since he’s ready for a relationship.

Communication is of major importance, but so rarely happens in hookups, and then one or the other is emotionally hooked, and the hurt begins. Remember, if you allow yourself, and he allows himself, to be truly vulnerable to each other and you are open and honest, not just physically, but also emotionally, you WILL get hurt. It’s not a case of “if” you will hurt him; only “when”, and vice versa. Knowing this hurt will definitely happen may help you keep your guard up a bit, and move a little slower.

This definitely has the ingredients for a messy ending, since you both work together. My biggest concern is that there’s been a lot of experimenting and interaction with too little conversation about what each of you can handle at this point. At what point does a hook-up turn into a relationship? When you both are honest about what you are actually doing with each other, and what you really need and want, and what you can’t have. Then, you’re going a lot deeper than any hook-up is meant to go. So, please talk to him soon! And take care of you, and good luck to you both.

Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

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