You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'LGBT relationships'.

Dear Christine, Calm in Clawson

  • Posted on July 6, 2019 at 3:10 pm

Dear Christine, I’ve had anxieties and phobias all my life, I don’t like to drive a car, but I still do, like an old lady,  I absolutely hate being a passenger, feeling sure the driver will have an accident. I get horrible anxiety waiting in line to buy groceries. I haven’t been able to fly without serious sedation and don’t like being at parties where there are people I don’t know. Oh, and I carry hand sanitizer everywhere I go. I’m 56 years old and I’ve just learned to live with it since I was about 16.  In the past couple months I’ve slowly realized that I no longer have these fears. I’m not sure when it happened exactly but I’m fine now. I’ve never taken meds either. Have you ever heard of someone who was spontaneously cured from anxiety and phobias? I’m praying it’s permanent. Signed Calm in Clawson Dear Calm, I’m so happy for you to have your anxieties and phobias disappear!  As an adult, that is not a common occurrence, but with children, they often overcome anxieties and phobias as they grow, learn and understand more of how the world works. Harvard Health newsletter has some helpful…

Dear Christine, Puzzled in Pontiac

  • Posted on June 5, 2019 at 11:26 am

Dear Christine, I’ve got a problem with my wife. I’m straight, and am married to my wife and we have 3 beautiful children together. I love my wife very much and promised her that I would always love her and take care of her. I take my promises very seriously, especially because she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have read everything I could find on line, and it is exactly her! I know no one else will take care of her and love her like me, but she says she’s fallen in love with someone else. Get this, it’s a woman! She says she’s not in love with me anymore, and since she’s met this woman, she won’t have sex with me any more. And she acts mean to me, comparing me to this woman, and she gets angry at me all the time, yelling. It’s just not fair! I keep telling her that no one, not even this woman, will ever love her or take care of her as I do. She says she’s going to move in with this woman, but she’s staying with me until tax time. I don’t really like that, but I don’t want to…

Dear Christine, Troubled in Troy

  • Posted on April 29, 2019 at 7:45 am

Dear Christine, what should i do about homophobic co worker? im 21 year old woman and im out to everyone at work, all my co workers have all met my partner Sara, anyway i have people working under me several people in fact and theres this co worker whom im in a higher position but im not in charge of her, she makes fun of my sexuality, at an office party she made horrible remarks to my girlfriend, recently she insulted me and i had enough so i started to shout but i got a pain and chest and couldnt breathe, anyway it was a panic attack because i suffer from anxiety, it made me realise that i must do something, what can i do? Troubled in Troy Dear Troubled, Wow! Since you have anxiety, I’d really recommend that you contact a therapist to work on some cognitive-behavioral techniques to cope with the anxiety, and/or your doctor about getting an anti-anxiety medication for just these situations. I’m sorry you’re going through this at your workplace, but unfortunately, it’s still a common occurrence. Talk to your colleagues about their take on this one mean person, as there’s safety in numbers. Also…

Dear Christine, Deserve Better in Bellville

  • Posted on April 15, 2019 at 8:24 am

Dear Christine, I was wondering what to do about this girl that I gave a year and a half of my life too. I met her 1 night at a club and she had a gf at the time but we still danced and it was awesome, it was 1 of those movie moments….you know like time stood still kind of thing. we actually started dating a few months after that, to give a small background she was telling me that her and her gf were no longer together, but they were. they really did break up and we did our thing and then i left for basic training (don’t ask, mistake)we were fine during that time but then things changed, she first slept w/ her ex b/c her ex started seeing someone and she wasn’t comfortable with losing control of her ex then she slept with her ex’s best friend who is a guy, she is currently with this guy, but they don’t see each but like every 6 wks. during all this she was still talking to me like nothing was wrong. her ex and i are really good friends now and she called me to inform me…

Dear Christine, Hurt in Huntington Woods

  • Posted on March 26, 2019 at 12:20 pm

Dear Christine, My X-partner and i have been living together for about 1 year. I moved into her home 3 months after we met.  She is the love of my life and i know that she loves me and she has stated that i am the love of her life as well. Four months ago things started to deteriorate between us. I suspected there was something going on between her and a guy friend from school and i confronted her about it. She flatly and madly denied any allegations. Our relationship was changing however…  it was very confusing because throughout all this doubt the love and chemistry was still very much there. She said she was having a hard time with school and so i gave her space and pep-talks when she needed them. Three weeks ago she said she wanted to end it. I was in complete shock. I week later she was kissing the guy from school. Two weeks later i came by to pick-up some of my things (a few days after valentines day) and i found used condoms in our apartment… i also found a love note from him face open on the floor. Hurt in…

Dear Christine, Not Heard in New Haven

  • Posted on February 4, 2019 at 8:50 am

Dear Christine, It seems like every time I ask my wife to do something, like go out for dinner, see a movie, whatever, she says, oh, let’s just stay in.  But when her best friend from high school calls, (a straight friend) she’s like, oh, let’s go out! I’m always invited to go along but I just don’t understand why she doesn’t find that energy when I ask her to do something. Sometimes I don’t really want to tag along but I do because I don’t have anything else to do. We’ve talked about it but she says I’m being too sensitive. How can I make a change and get my wife excited about a date night with just me? Signed, Not Heard in New Haven. Dear Not Heard, It sounds like you and your wife are in a bit of a rut these days.  One thing I encourage couples I work with is to schedule a date night.  Once a week is usually the goal, but sometimes jobs, having a baby or little children might cause you two to make it a couple of times a month.  The goal of a date night is to recreate the dating stage…

Dear Christine, Sorry in Southfield

  • Posted on January 20, 2019 at 12:45 pm

Dr. Christine, A few months ago and back, I used to be “one of those guys” who disdained Homosexuals. : I used to be so uptight to the extent that I would mentally rehearse how I would punch a gay guy if he ever came onto me. I was such a jerk, right? Well, I went to the barber shop yesterday and got my hair dyed from black to Medium Brown. When I got home, I got some pretty unpleasant criticism from my father. For a moment there, he thought I was gay because only Gay people would “do such a thing”.. And at THAT moment, I started to have that soft spot in my heart for you guys because of all the sh*t that you go through. It’s pretty unfair how your own parents would look down on you if they thought you where a homosexual. You know, at the end of the day, I would definitely prefer being friends with a kind-hearted homosexual than an inconsiderate heterosexual. Not that you give a damn or anything, but I’d just like to apologize for all the crap that we (the Heteros) have given you. Sorry. Dear Sorry, I do give…

Dear Christine, Lean in Lansing

  • Posted on December 12, 2018 at 12:58 pm

I’ve been living with my girlfriend for about six months and we dated for about a year before that and I’m a person who struggles with their weight. I’m about 40 pounds overweight my girlfriend is thin and she can eat anything she wants… very frustrating! So, our schedules work out so that she makes dinner three nights a week I make dinner three nights a week and we go out to dinner once a week. The problem that I’m having with her and she knows I try to avoid bread but on her night to cook dinner she makes like a big plate of lasagna with garlic bread and there’s always dessert.  Bread and sugar and desserts are my weakness and I’ve asked her to please consider the fact that I’m trying to lose weight but it doesn’t change anything. And then sometimes when it’s her time to cook dinner she gets busy and says let’s go out to dinner instead. We’re going out to dinner I mean even if you eat a salad you know there’s a lotta calories in that. So I’ve been struggling with my weight since we’ve lived together I’m starting to gain weight. I know it’s on me, I know I should have will power, and even if she makes lasagna maybe I could watch my portions, maybe I could say no to the desert, but when it is there in front of me I can’t help myself. When I lived alone I didn’t keep bread in the house. I kept lean chicken fish meat fruits and vegetables in the house and I was doing OK. I have gained 10 pounds. Is there a way to convince her or do I just have to find will power myself? If I have to find the will power, how do I do it?

Signed, Lean in Lansing

Dear Lean,

My wife isa lifetime member of Weight Watchers and every few years goes back to meetings and weighs and measures her portions, and cuts up a great many vegetables.  She has successfully lost weight each time.  She does most of the cooking for us and has told me over the years how much she appreciates my support in her investing in that healthier style of eating.  What is not to support?  It is healthier, and we both benefit.  I no longer can afford to graze as I please, though for many years I did. I would change my eating style to match hers, and if I wanted bread or pasta, I would get a carry out lunch when she wasn’t around.

The question is about what kind of relationship do you have?  Are you both able to take care of your own self first and foremost, and with what is left over, support the other in their goals?  It’s great for her that she can eat anything and not gain weight.  But you can’t!  Is she willing to modify her cooking for your health?  It might require to learn some new recipes and if you’re into lean meats and vegetables, learning more about spices and herbs can enhance meals that have less fat and starch.

Have a conversation about both of your needs and how you can support each other in healthy goals. Take some time to check out some cookbooks, go shopping for produce and lean meats together and go to Penzey’s Spices on line, or the store on 13 Mile at Southfield.  Planning, shopping and cooking new things might spice up your relationship!  Check out these on line resources as well.  https://www.penzeys.com/shop/recipes/   https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/article/weight-watchers-most-popular-recipes

Good luck to you both!

Christine C Cantrell, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Dear Christine, Dying to Not Know in Dundee

  • Posted on December 3, 2018 at 10:12 am

Dear Christine, Everything seems outwardly fun in my relationship I’ve been with my partner Marc for over 10 years but the other day I saw his phone and it was buzzing in there was a text message from a guy and it was definitely sexually explicit and it sounds like there something going on because I was being a little nosy I didn’t say anything I’m afraid to say anything because everything is going so great and I’m afraid if I say something it’ll be true I don’t want to break the status quo yet. I have to know I think. Dying to Not Know in Dundee Dear Dying, The Washington Post has a phrase at the top of its masthead that applies here:  “Democracy dies in darkness”.  And relationships die in darkness too.  So, you say there’s “outward fun” in your decade together with John, but I would appear that under that cover of fun is a different story. What kind of relationship do you really want?  One where he sneaks around and has sexting going on on the side?  And in which you are “being nosy”?  Right now, you have a Schroedinger’s Cat Paradox relationship.  As long as…

Dear Christine, A Reader in Royal Oak

  • Posted on November 5, 2018 at 12:30 pm

Hi Dr. Christine, My partner and I have been together 19 years and overall we’re both happy together. Lately, though, I noticed she is asking me to pay the utility bills she always pays, saying she has no money. I pay a set, agreed upon amount for rent and living expenses, and we both do the chores and shopping. She does the upkeep and maintenance on the house, which is in her name only. She was burned in a prior relationship and she has always said she will not ever consider adding me to the deed. I’m confused because she has a good job and makes more money than I do, and I don’t know why she wouldn’t have money for the bills she’s used to paying regularly. I don’t think she’s gambling or using drugs, but I can’t figure out what is going on. Any suggestions? A Reader in Royal Oak. Dear Reader in Royal Oak, You raise several important issues. We gays and lesbians do not have access to the legal rights that married people get through their wedding license, such as joint home ownership or rights of survivorship to a house, should the owning partner die. We…