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Dear Christine, Single and Alone

  • Posted on March 6, 2017 at 11:21 am

Dear Christine, I am 35 and I have had 5 girlfriends since the age of 20 that each lasted between 2 and 5 years. I fall in love easy and seem to fall out of love instantly. I’m never sure when it’s going to happen or how long it will take but now that it has happened 5 times, I’m beginning to wonder why. Sometimes, they just start to get on my nerves after a period of time, other times, I’ve gone to bed in love, and woke up unable to find the feelings no matter how hard I try. I’ve walked away from some wonderful people (except for maybe 2 of them) and don’t know why. I’ve tried to prolong the breakup by faking it for a while hoping the feelings would come back but that’s really hard to do. I’m considering staying single. Is this common? Why can’t I stay in love? Thanks, Single and Alone in St Clair Shores PS I know the highs of initial love diminish, but this is something more than that. Dear Single and Alone, I wonder what sort of partners you have chosen in your dating life the last 15 years? Are…

Pity Party in Plymouth

  • Posted on February 24, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Dear Christine,

Hi, I have been reading your advice and it all sounds good. I decided to write for some myself. I am getting older and I feel completely out of the scene I am overweight and feel unattractive. I have been single for six years now and miss having a relationship. I also live in the burbs and feel so disconnected. so I am feeling kinda disenfranchised, pathetic and lonely. Okay enough of the pity party but seriously how do you get back in the game with out looking too much like a goof (although I kinda like that look) I don’t want to be 80 and alone! not that I am that old yet but it could happen.

Pity Party in Plymouth

 

Dear Pity Party in Plymouth,

The best way to get back in the scene is to start liking yourself. Find things you like to do with you, and then find friends who can do those things with you, sharing in the fun you’re having with yourself. Meet new friends through activities and events that bring people together. Check out the listings of what to do on GOAL, and other gay/lesbian websites. Drop by Affirmations in Ferndale, join a softball league or golf outing. Do things that you enjoy and you are bound to find people that also enjoy these events and will find you easy and fun to be around. Look for friends first, not a relationship first. Once you’ve asked a friend enough questions to find out if they fit your needs, your non-negotiables, perhaps a relationship will follow. Don’t force it, don’t be desperate, but instead come to enjoy your own company and find interests in the community that will get you out and mingling with other people with similar interests and values.

Christine Cantrell, PhD, LP