You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'depression'.

Dear Christine, Tears to Anger, in Ann Arbor

  • Posted on April 22, 2019 at 8:12 am

Dear Christine, I’ve been in a 22+ relationship with my partner and mostly it was a wonderful relationship. The last few years have been tougher for us because of health issues, hysterectomies and deaths in the family. The passion had dissipated quite a bit, but we still always said “I Love You” & “kissed” upon coming or going somewhere, among other normal intimacies that do not involve sex. But, I always felt absolutely certain in my heart that we would grow old together, no matter what -just like our vows to each other when we had our ceremony. Out of the blue, she starts being very angry and picking fights with me. She starts making irrational accusations, and it seemed she was trying very hard to get me angry with her. She succeeded a few times, but only after relentlessly picking at me. Then she hands me a letter telling me that she is no longer “IN–love” with me & ready to part ways, even though she still cares about me and loves me as a friend. I have to admit, I was feeling like I was no longer “IN–love” with her either, but I still loved her and was…

Dear Christine, Deserve Better in Bellville

  • Posted on April 15, 2019 at 8:24 am

Dear Christine, I was wondering what to do about this girl that I gave a year and a half of my life too. I met her 1 night at a club and she had a gf at the time but we still danced and it was awesome, it was 1 of those movie moments….you know like time stood still kind of thing. we actually started dating a few months after that, to give a small background she was telling me that her and her gf were no longer together, but they were. they really did break up and we did our thing and then i left for basic training (don’t ask, mistake)we were fine during that time but then things changed, she first slept w/ her ex b/c her ex started seeing someone and she wasn’t comfortable with losing control of her ex then she slept with her ex’s best friend who is a guy, she is currently with this guy, but they don’t see each but like every 6 wks. during all this she was still talking to me like nothing was wrong. her ex and i are really good friends now and she called me to inform me…

Dear Christine, Going Crazy in Garden City

  • Posted on April 1, 2019 at 9:15 am

Dear Christine, I’m not sure if I’m gay or not, but I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. The breakup has been horrible and I sometimes feel like I’m dying. Now, I’m really not sure about who I am and I’m not sure I ever want to date another guy! Throughout the past couple of months of the break up, I have tried turning to friends and family for support and help. Many have been there, including some I didn’t expect, like my sister. She’s very religious and we don’t usually see eye to eye on most topics. But she’s really been there for me and it’s really helped. My mom, however, suddenly informed me this past weekend that she’s totally against my “culture” (being gay) and thinks I need to get out now, and that this break up is a “good thing” because it gives me the opportunity to try being straight! I can’t believe this! The past 2 years, mom has been wonderful even hugging my boyfriend when we’d visit her, asking me about him when he wasn’t there. Mom seemed great! And BTW, she’s a very religious Christian too, so I never expected her…

Dear Christine, Hurt in Huntington Woods

  • Posted on March 26, 2019 at 12:20 pm

Dear Christine, My X-partner and i have been living together for about 1 year. I moved into her home 3 months after we met.  She is the love of my life and i know that she loves me and she has stated that i am the love of her life as well. Four months ago things started to deteriorate between us. I suspected there was something going on between her and a guy friend from school and i confronted her about it. She flatly and madly denied any allegations. Our relationship was changing however…  it was very confusing because throughout all this doubt the love and chemistry was still very much there. She said she was having a hard time with school and so i gave her space and pep-talks when she needed them. Three weeks ago she said she wanted to end it. I was in complete shock. I week later she was kissing the guy from school. Two weeks later i came by to pick-up some of my things (a few days after valentines day) and i found used condoms in our apartment… i also found a love note from him face open on the floor. Hurt in…

Dear Christine, Questioning in Lake Orion

  • Posted on March 18, 2019 at 9:31 am

Dear Christine, How come we slander people who dislike homosexuality, but we don’t slander people who are against alcoholism? Being attracted to alcohol has more evidence of “running in the family” and being a genetic attraction, so why don’t we call people who get nauseous at alcohol “alcohophobics” or something? After all, what makes being attracted to having sex with someone any better than being attracted to alcohol? The effect accomplishes the same thing, satisfying your physical “itches” as it were. They do have very different physical side-effects, alcohol destroys your brain cells, sex can get you STDs, and positively alcohol kills germs in water (that’s why it serves more of a purpose in Europe) and sex is reproduction and the continuation of the species (at least, when it’s male-female and we don’t tamper with nature and use drugs). So, why stop at “homophobes”? Aren’t people who are naturally nauseous at alcohol just as bad as people who are nauseous at gay sex? Or, do we think letting “homophobes” get away will give us guilt about being straight or gay just for the moment and not for the relationship? Or, do we think that alcohol is wrong and being gay…

Dear Christine, Unsure in Redford

  • Posted on March 11, 2019 at 7:46 am

Dear Christine, I have always been with men. I was once with a women and that was when I was younger, and the girl and I made it into a game. I liked it, and was excited to hang out with her and play the game again. But that is the only lesbian-type experience that I have had. After that time in my life, I always considered myself straight until about two years ago, when I came out to my boyfriend at the time that I was bisexual. No one in my family knows, I don’t know how they would handle it. Now I have been with the same guy for over a year now, and I keep having fantasies about women and really only women. I honestly feel that if him and I broke up I would never date another guy. ANYWAY, for the past month or so I have been even more confused. My boyfriend and I don’t have sex anymore…we only do when we are drunk…I mean that could be because we are both insecure people. But who can really know. I just have no sex drive with him. I mean I guess that could be other…

Dear Christine, Gaining in Garden City

  • Posted on February 19, 2019 at 11:32 am

I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last 6 months which now puts me 20 pounds overweight.  I keep saying I will start a diet tomorrow and I want to lose the weight by spring. The problem is, after a healthy breakfast, all I can think about is, what’s for lunch? After lunch, I start thinking about dinner. Then there’s the snacks and sweets. People I work with keep bringing junk food to work to share. I feel hungry all the time and I know I couldn’t be. I keep saying, I’ll start tomorrow. I really want to lose weight. Why can’t I find the will power? Signed, Gaining in Garden City Dear Gaining, Welcome to the crowd!  The obesity problem is a global issue, so you are far from alone in this.  There is so much that scientists and doctors do not understand about weight gain and weight loss.  It is not just a matter of will power, nor one of counting calories or dieting.  Of all the diets that people have tried, Weight Watchers is the lone program that seems to help people make the lifestyle changes and maintain them to lose weight.  But, it has worked for me…

Dear Christine, Not Heard in New Haven

  • Posted on February 4, 2019 at 8:50 am

Dear Christine, It seems like every time I ask my wife to do something, like go out for dinner, see a movie, whatever, she says, oh, let’s just stay in.  But when her best friend from high school calls, (a straight friend) she’s like, oh, let’s go out! I’m always invited to go along but I just don’t understand why she doesn’t find that energy when I ask her to do something. Sometimes I don’t really want to tag along but I do because I don’t have anything else to do. We’ve talked about it but she says I’m being too sensitive. How can I make a change and get my wife excited about a date night with just me? Signed, Not Heard in New Haven. Dear Not Heard, It sounds like you and your wife are in a bit of a rut these days.  One thing I encourage couples I work with is to schedule a date night.  Once a week is usually the goal, but sometimes jobs, having a baby or little children might cause you two to make it a couple of times a month.  The goal of a date night is to recreate the dating stage…

Dear Christine, Sorry in Southfield

  • Posted on January 20, 2019 at 12:45 pm

Dr. Christine, A few months ago and back, I used to be “one of those guys” who disdained Homosexuals. : I used to be so uptight to the extent that I would mentally rehearse how I would punch a gay guy if he ever came onto me. I was such a jerk, right? Well, I went to the barber shop yesterday and got my hair dyed from black to Medium Brown. When I got home, I got some pretty unpleasant criticism from my father. For a moment there, he thought I was gay because only Gay people would “do such a thing”.. And at THAT moment, I started to have that soft spot in my heart for you guys because of all the sh*t that you go through. It’s pretty unfair how your own parents would look down on you if they thought you where a homosexual. You know, at the end of the day, I would definitely prefer being friends with a kind-hearted homosexual than an inconsiderate heterosexual. Not that you give a damn or anything, but I’d just like to apologize for all the crap that we (the Heteros) have given you. Sorry. Dear Sorry, I do give…

Dear Christine, Confused in Clawson

  • Posted on January 7, 2019 at 8:45 am

Dear Christine,

I read your columns every week and many of them have hit home for me. I have a question of my own now. I am a straight woman and my best friend is a gay man who I have known since high school some 40+ years ago. We like to joke that we are the real life Will And Grace.  We even dated for a bit before he came out. My “Will” has always been safe when it comes to sexual relationships and he’s had quite a few. In the last year he went through quite a run of sexual encounters which he told me about more graphically than I would have needed to know!

Three months ago he informed me he is HIV positive. I’m sad and even angry at him for being careless. His behavior has changed so much recently that he has been pulling away from our friendship. I’ve called, left messages, he doesn’t return my calls. This is someone I spoke to several times a week and now he won’t speak to me. Do you have any advice as to what I should do? I’m heartbroken and miss him a lot. Thanks,

Confused in Clawson

Dear Confused,
It’s hard and confusing when other’s behaviors change in ways that you find uncomfortable.  I hear your sadness and anger at your “Will” pulling away from you after a year when he has been irresponsible sexually to the point of becoming HIV+.  First, know that an HIV+ diagnosis is not the death sentence it was 30 – 35 years ago.  There are excellent medications that can keep it in check, making it more of a chronic illness.  And unless our 45th President takes it away, the government has helped fund insurance and medications for people with HIV+/AIDS.  For those readers who prefer to reduce the risk of HIV, please use condoms, and there is a medication called pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/prep/index.htmlin a daily pill.  Check with your doctor about this.

It’s a fact that Will has pulled away and there is not a lot you can do.  It only takes one  to end a friendship or romantic relationship.  You leave messages, but he doesn’t respond.  Clearly, he is going through some changes and he isn’t sharing what those are.  Maybe he believes he is protecting you?  Maybe he is protecting himself?  Maybe he can’t process these things within himself, much less with anyone else.  Try to remember that this is about him.  He is running away, emotionally and/or physically.   He is not be able to converse and hear your  emotions or judgment in your voice. Talking can move too fast, spilling out words not carefully thought out, possibly causing further damage to your friendship.

Try writing him a letter or email that he can read when he is ready, so he can read and reread alone as much as he needs and wants.  Let him know you miss him and that you are concerned for him.  If you can, let him know you aren’t judging his variety of changed behaviors.  Let him know you are there for him, to listen to and support him in this challenging time.

The bottom line here is that he has pulled away from your friendship.  He is allowed to do that.  And there may be consequences to any friendship when one person disappears.    If you used to visit each other’s homes on a regular basis, maybe stop by, and leave a card if he doesn’t answer the door.  Don’t hound him as he seems to need more space, more time.

Keep him in your thoughts, send him love and light, and remember the good times you shared.  When he is able, he may return.  And if he returns, remember that he already is a very changed person.  Meanwhile, take care of you and lean on other friends.

Take care,
Christine Cantrell, PhD,

Licensed Psychologist