You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'Christine C. Cantrell'.

Dear Christine, Sorry in Southfield

  • Posted on January 20, 2019 at 12:45 pm

Dr. Christine, A few months ago and back, I used to be “one of those guys” who disdained Homosexuals. : I used to be so uptight to the extent that I would mentally rehearse how I would punch a gay guy if he ever came onto me. I was such a jerk, right? Well, I went to the barber shop yesterday and got my hair dyed from black to Medium Brown. When I got home, I got some pretty unpleasant criticism from my father. For a moment there, he thought I was gay because only Gay people would “do such a thing”.. And at THAT moment, I started to have that soft spot in my heart for you guys because of all the sh*t that you go through. It’s pretty unfair how your own parents would look down on you if they thought you where a homosexual. You know, at the end of the day, I would definitely prefer being friends with a kind-hearted homosexual than an inconsiderate heterosexual. Not that you give a damn or anything, but I’d just like to apologize for all the crap that we (the Heteros) have given you. Sorry. Dear Sorry, I do give…

Dear Christine, Lean in Lansing

  • Posted on December 12, 2018 at 12:58 pm

I’ve been living with my girlfriend for about six months and we dated for about a year before that and I’m a person who struggles with their weight. I’m about 40 pounds overweight my girlfriend is thin and she can eat anything she wants… very frustrating! So, our schedules work out so that she makes dinner three nights a week I make dinner three nights a week and we go out to dinner once a week. The problem that I’m having with her and she knows I try to avoid bread but on her night to cook dinner she makes like a big plate of lasagna with garlic bread and there’s always dessert.  Bread and sugar and desserts are my weakness and I’ve asked her to please consider the fact that I’m trying to lose weight but it doesn’t change anything. And then sometimes when it’s her time to cook dinner she gets busy and says let’s go out to dinner instead. We’re going out to dinner I mean even if you eat a salad you know there’s a lotta calories in that. So I’ve been struggling with my weight since we’ve lived together I’m starting to gain weight. I know it’s on me, I know I should have will power, and even if she makes lasagna maybe I could watch my portions, maybe I could say no to the desert, but when it is there in front of me I can’t help myself. When I lived alone I didn’t keep bread in the house. I kept lean chicken fish meat fruits and vegetables in the house and I was doing OK. I have gained 10 pounds. Is there a way to convince her or do I just have to find will power myself? If I have to find the will power, how do I do it?

Signed, Lean in Lansing

Dear Lean,

My wife isa lifetime member of Weight Watchers and every few years goes back to meetings and weighs and measures her portions, and cuts up a great many vegetables.  She has successfully lost weight each time.  She does most of the cooking for us and has told me over the years how much she appreciates my support in her investing in that healthier style of eating.  What is not to support?  It is healthier, and we both benefit.  I no longer can afford to graze as I please, though for many years I did. I would change my eating style to match hers, and if I wanted bread or pasta, I would get a carry out lunch when she wasn’t around.

The question is about what kind of relationship do you have?  Are you both able to take care of your own self first and foremost, and with what is left over, support the other in their goals?  It’s great for her that she can eat anything and not gain weight.  But you can’t!  Is she willing to modify her cooking for your health?  It might require to learn some new recipes and if you’re into lean meats and vegetables, learning more about spices and herbs can enhance meals that have less fat and starch.

Have a conversation about both of your needs and how you can support each other in healthy goals. Take some time to check out some cookbooks, go shopping for produce and lean meats together and go to Penzey’s Spices on line, or the store on 13 Mile at Southfield.  Planning, shopping and cooking new things might spice up your relationship!  Check out these on line resources as well.  https://www.penzeys.com/shop/recipes/   https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/article/weight-watchers-most-popular-recipes

Good luck to you both!

Christine C Cantrell, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Dear Christine, Dying to Not Know in Dundee

  • Posted on December 3, 2018 at 10:12 am

Dear Christine, Everything seems outwardly fun in my relationship I’ve been with my partner Marc for over 10 years but the other day I saw his phone and it was buzzing in there was a text message from a guy and it was definitely sexually explicit and it sounds like there something going on because I was being a little nosy I didn’t say anything I’m afraid to say anything because everything is going so great and I’m afraid if I say something it’ll be true I don’t want to break the status quo yet. I have to know I think. Dying to Not Know in Dundee Dear Dying, The Washington Post has a phrase at the top of its masthead that applies here:  “Democracy dies in darkness”.  And relationships die in darkness too.  So, you say there’s “outward fun” in your decade together with John, but I would appear that under that cover of fun is a different story. What kind of relationship do you really want?  One where he sneaks around and has sexting going on on the side?  And in which you are “being nosy”?  Right now, you have a Schroedinger’s Cat Paradox relationship.  As long as…

Dear Christine, Heart Broken in Holly

  • Posted on November 25, 2018 at 11:59 am

Dear Christine, I love her, but she assures me it’s over. She calls sometimes and makes plans with me and then cancels on short notice. I always get my hopes up and then I feel like shit when she does this. What should I do? What should I say to her? I do want to be friends with her but she makes that so hard, because everything has to be when she’s got time for me and then she cancels anyway. Heart Broken in Holly Dear Heart Broken, Oprah Winfrey once said “when people tell you who they are, listen to them.” If your ex still calls and makes plans and cancels abruptly, but insists it’s over, then believe the “it’s over” part of that. Words are easy, actions tell the truth. I hear that you are hurting and miss her, and that you feel like you are occasionally fit into her busy life, and hope keeps rising up, only to be dashed again. I imagine it’s not the description of the relationship you had with her, or that you would want with anyone. You can only make a choice for yourself here. Choose for it to be over. You…

Dear Christine, A Reader in Royal Oak

  • Posted on November 5, 2018 at 12:30 pm

Hi Dr. Christine, My partner and I have been together 19 years and overall we’re both happy together. Lately, though, I noticed she is asking me to pay the utility bills she always pays, saying she has no money. I pay a set, agreed upon amount for rent and living expenses, and we both do the chores and shopping. She does the upkeep and maintenance on the house, which is in her name only. She was burned in a prior relationship and she has always said she will not ever consider adding me to the deed. I’m confused because she has a good job and makes more money than I do, and I don’t know why she wouldn’t have money for the bills she’s used to paying regularly. I don’t think she’s gambling or using drugs, but I can’t figure out what is going on. Any suggestions? A Reader in Royal Oak. Dear Reader in Royal Oak, You raise several important issues. We gays and lesbians do not have access to the legal rights that married people get through their wedding license, such as joint home ownership or rights of survivorship to a house, should the owning partner die. We…

Dear Christine, Damaged Goods in Dearborn Heights

  • Posted on October 22, 2018 at 9:15 am

Dear Christine, I am a 28-year-old gay man. I came out when I was 18 and since then I’ve enjoyed a healthy, active dating life. I’ve always been comfortable with my sexuality. Three months ago, however, I tested HIV-positive and since then feel like I have to come out all over again. I haven’t been able to start dating yet because I’m afraid of how people will react when I tell them about my situation. And I don’t know what the rules are. What do I tell people? When do I tell people? And, if safe sex really is safe, do I have to tell them at all? And mostly I’m afraid (although I know it sounds crazy) that no one’s ever going to love me again. Damaged Goods in Dearborn Heights Dear Damaged Goods, I hear you, coming out all over again, now as HIV + being just as confused and uncertain how to tell others as you were to tell people you were gay 10 years ago. Trust your instincts with people, and tell those who feels safe to you. There may be some rejection from some people, but if they were people you wanted to date or…

Dear Christine, Snooping in Southfield

  • Posted on October 1, 2018 at 9:44 am

Dear Christine, I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. We have been together for 4 months, and everything is going well. But sometimes when I’m on her computer, girls message her about the great time that they had the night before, when it was supposed to be our apart night. I can’t help but see the messages because they pop right on the screen. The other day, I was sending an e-mail from her computer, and I accidentally stumbled on a hot and steamy e-mail from another girl, and I recognized her e-mail from the messages. I want to confront her but I’m afraid that she will think that I am snooping, and/or that I am over reacting. What do you think? Should I call her on it? How can I without her thinking I’m a snoop? Am I a Snooping? Dear Snooping in Southfield, This is all about boundaries. Has your girlfriend given you permission to go on her computer, and is she aware that when you or anyone does, these messages from other people pop up? If she has given her permission and is aware, then you are not a snoop and you have a legitimate right…

Dear Christine, Susannah in Southfield

  • Posted on September 10, 2018 at 10:02 am

Dear Christine, I can’t believe I’m writing for advice, but I think the time has come. I have been intimately involved with my lover for two years. She has been in a relationship with another woman for eight years. Needless to say, I am the other woman in her life. I am at the point where I want to end our relationship. My problem is I don’t know how. We started out as friends and have had so many fun times together I’m scared of losing that. I don’t want to hurt her, but I am mature and wise enough to know the entire situation seems to be a lost cause. My lover tells me I am trying to put a time limit on when we will be together, but after two years I feel I have the right to know what the future holds for me but there are no answers. Susannah in Southfield Dear Susannah, I think we’ve found a theme this summer: honesty and boundaries. You have put yourself in a relationship full of drama and lies, which may lead to a committed relationship, which would probably be full of trust issues, given how she’s cheating on…

Dear Christine, Choices in Clinton Twp.

  • Posted on July 30, 2018 at 9:11 am

Dear Christine, I am having trouble making a decision. I moved to Michigan 3 years ago and have since met a wonderful woman who I have been living with for the last year. I have been missing, my home, family and friends back in New York though and now I have an opportunity to move back as I have been offered an amazing job opportunity. I want my girlfriend to come with me and she is saying no. She is retired, has no kids, no siblings and no parents in Michigan, only a few close friends. In New York, I have two sisters, and my two grown sons and a granddaughter who is a newborn. My choice is clearly to take the job and move back home, however, “J” is begging me to stay. We’ve talked about a long distance relationship and I’ll be making enough money to visit often but I’m so angry that she won’t move with me that I’m wondering if in the end, I should just break it off and move. I do absolutely love her but this opportunity is too good to pass up. I wish she would look at it as an adventure and…

Dear Christine, Falling Short Of Love in Livonia

  • Posted on July 23, 2018 at 10:45 am

Dear Christine, I have been involved in a gay relationship for four years. For the past few months times have been tough, though somehow we got through them. A year ago my partner’s father died and left her with nothing. Her mother put up the money on a house and moved in with us. This was the only way my partner could afford to buy a house. I contribute to the house payment but own nothing of the property. My lover’s mother suffers from a mental disorder which causes her to go completely off her head at times and not remember a thing. I am starting to resent my partner for dragging me into this situation, even though I consented to the whole thing. My other problem is my best friend left last month to work overseas. I miss her terribly and told her I have been in love with her for three years. It started with a game of Truth or Dare. I regret mentioning my feelings as I am afraid of losing my best friend. I just want to run away. The walls of my life are closing in, and I don’t know where the door is anymore. …