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Dear Christine, Baby Fever in Berkley

  • Posted on May 15, 2017 at 10:55 am

Dear Christine,

My wife and I want to have a baby. Her best friend is a straight guy that she’s known since middle school. He has offered to be the baby daddy. Now I’ve always been a little jealous of their closeness and I tell her all the time that that boy is in love with you. She shrugs it off.

So back to the baby. This guy is a good choice for donor for many reasons. He is smart, good looking, he even has my ethnic background. He’s agreed to sign off on any parental rights but wants to be a part of our lives–like he already is really.

It’s the how. They think it’s perfectly ok for them to have sex to accomplish this. They say they’ve never been intimate before and I believe that. They have even said they will make it more like a procedure and not intimate and I can be in the room!

I want us to have a baby so bad and for medical reasons, it’s better for her to carry the baby. Should I go along with this? Is this as normal as they are trying to convince me that it is?

Help please!!

Signed Baby Fever in Berkley

Dear Baby Fever,

So you and your wife want to have a baby, but you are jealous of your wife’s closeness with her straight, male friend from long ago. And they want to do the cheap and old fashioned method of conception, even including you. But you have second thoughts. OK. These days, there are other ways to have a baby. The three of you could agree on a doctor’s office where he is given some Playboy magazines and a cup and some privacy and he produces sperm. That sperm could then be inserted with the traditional turkey baster in your own home, just you and your wife, or could be inserted with the assistance of a doctor. If you are feeling jealous already, why watch your wife have clinical pregnancy insemination with someone she cares about, even if you are watching!? Also, make sure to contact a lawyer about drawing up legal papers to have him sign off on parenting whatever child might emerge from this union. I have heard of plenty of situations where there was an agreement, but it was not legally sound, and years later, the father challenged the mothers in court to have some legal relationship with the child. Also, if he is a part of your family anyway, be prepared for questions from your resulting child. If that child looks like him or has traits that are clearly from him, the questions will follow, eventually. If you and your wife are really ready to have a baby, you will be honest with each other about what you really are comfortable doing and what each of you are really not ok with doing. There’s no right or wrong that supersedes, but for your marriage’s sake, you and your wife need to be completely clear with each other about what you can and can’t tolerate. Good luck, whatever method you use! Christine Cantrell, PhD


Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

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