Dear Christine, Alone in my Own Universe

  • Posted on September 17, 2018 at 9:05 am

Dear Christine:

I am a Transgendered Boy. Most of the time I feel very alone and depressed. What’s worse is that every other minute or so I seem to be changing my mind, whether I’m feeling male or female. My brain is buzzing from the constant conflict within me. Please Help me.


Alone in my own Universe

Dear Alone,

First things first: Before you can start working on being transgendered you need to be screened for any underlying causes. That means getting a physical and mental evaluation.

Get screened for depression and possibly Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). These diagnoses are quite common in transgendered folks. You might need proper medication to help you stop the buzzing in your brain. After being treated, your brain works again to help you make clear decisions to resolve your transgendered dilemma.

Next, see a gender counselor. Find someone you trust to talk about all your feelings and needs. Remember you are NOT alone. Also check out Transgendered Forums and chat rooms to find someone you can talk to. Avoid talking with bitter people who are negative or discouraging. There are plenty of warm hearted people to chat with. Listen as much at least as much as you share.

You are on a journey of discovery of who you really are. You have all kinds of barriers up separating you from family, friends and loved ones, as long as you cannot be who you feel you are on the inside. If you aren’t being fully you, you are missing out on your own life. Take these steps, and as you get to know yourself better, you’ll know what you need to do.

Read the words of a mom to her transgender son Marcus. She found her daughter’s transition into being a son difficult and confusing, but love won out. This was a list she started when her daughter told her that she was a transgender male. May all families be as open to their children as this mother. She started this list when her daughter came out to her as a son, and then the * lines were written a year later.

To (My Transgendered Son) Marcus: “Things I Know” and * “What a Difference a Year Makes.”


“I know this is a process of stages. Grief is the first, acceptance the middle, celebration is the last.”

* “I am now celebrating the wonderful joyful man that you have become.”

“I know I can move forward through my grief and sorrow, and eventually find a sense of peace, seeing my child truly happy.”

* “I see a more confident, strong, giving man than my ‘daughter’ had ever been. It is amazing!”

“I know someday, very soon, everything will seem that it was meant to be and I can put it all in perspective.”

* “That day is here. My perspective just had to learn to keep up with you.”

“I know I don’t have to ‘erase’ the past. All the memories are mine to keep. I can have them and the new ones to come, together in my heart, they’ll all fit.”

* “You have shown me already the new ones are astonishing in their joy and brilliancy.”

“I know I am waiting to hear ‘I love you, Mom,’ when you understand how hard I am trying.”

* “I know you knew and appreciated my efforts. Now it is as effortless for me to support you as it seems to be for you to tell me you love me.”

“I know I have been thinking really hard about how brave you are and how difficult it must be for you to be true to yourself.”

* “You are the most courageous person I know. I am in awe of your undeniable determination.”

“I know I will get through this because I love you more than you can ever know, I want only for you to be happy and at peace with yourself. I am blessed to have you in my life no matter what.”

* “You were patient enough to allow me my worries, and you are loving enough to share with me the tranquility and joy you now possess.”

“I know that I care deeply enough for you that communication can’t be stifled by my discomfort, even if I am struggling.”

* “You allowed my awkward attempts at understanding until I could stop struggling and start believing.”

“I know that I am proud that you feel you were raised with the strength to be able to do this rather than cower and hide in a life of unhappiness.”

* I was able to learn by your example and discover that I had that same strength within myself.”

“I know now this isn’t a loss, I will still know you, my child, with every smile and hug I get.”

* “The person I raised will always be here. Looking different on the outside made no difference to the wonderfulness that you are.”

“I know you aren’t the only one who is transitioning, I am transitioning right along with you. Because I love you, I know there will come a point when I will be settled with your identity.”

* “Your identity has always been there, now your outer appearance matches the inside. I don’t need to be settled with your identity, because you are.”

“I know responding to you from my heart is sometimes painful for you, but I need to be honest and help you to understand me, too.”

* “Your transition was a gift —to yourself, to me, and to everyone who knows and loves you. You will always be my beloved, cherished child, no matter how old you are.”

“I love you, no matter what!”


Christine C. Cantrell, PhD
1026 W. 11 Mile Rd,
Suite C
Royal Oak, MI 48067

Click here to email Christine.

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