Dear Christine, Pity Party in Plymouth

  • Posted on November 11, 2019 at 11:13 am

Dear Christine,  I am getting older and I feel completely out of the scene I am overweight and feel unattractive. I have been single for six years now and miss having a relationship. I also live in the burbs and feel so disconnected. So I am feeling kinda disenfranchised, pathetic and lonely.  Okay enough of the pity party.  But seriously, how do you get back in the game with out looking too much like a goof (although I kinda like that look) I don’t want to be 80 and alone! not that I am that old yet but it could happen. Thanks, Pity Party in Plymouth Dear Pity Party, It sounds like you are having a tough time liking yourself these days. The only way I know to get back in the game is by liking, even loving yourself.  How will anyone else want to be with you now, much less when you’re 80 if you don’t?  Start by taking care of yourself:  eat nutritious food, exercise, get enough sleep, develop some interests that get you out and interacting with others; take up a  sport, do some volunteer work or join a support group or activity group.  Get out and…

Fall Musings 1.3 By Christine C. Cantrell

  • Posted on October 23, 2019 at 3:15 pm

Fall Musings 1.1 By Christine C. Cantrell, PhD

  • Posted on October 23, 2019 at 2:39 pm

  I spent the afternoon repotting geraniums in smaller pots to bring them in for the winter.  In Berkley, MI, a Detroit inner ring suburb, our first frost might come tonight.  As an avid gardener, I like to think I know how long the growing season is, and thinking of Global Warming, I thought this was a late date for a first frost.  However, October 12 appears to be an average date, using data from 1981 to the present.  That time period covers the 30 years I have lived in Michigan, so I guess I never really paid attention to when my nasturtiums, morning glories, petunias, begonias and sweet potato vines expired.  This week I took down some ratty looking morning glory vines, uncovering a praying mantis and 3 egg cases.  What is different this year is that we are still harvesting tomatoes, having had humid temps in the 80s this past week!  We have 3 large baskets filled with green to red cherry and grape tomatoes. Last year I brought in post of sweet potato vines with begonias and red, white and pink geraniums and 2 pots of citronella geraniums.  It smells great in the living room and bed…

Fall Musings 1.2 By Christine Cantrell

  • Posted on October 23, 2019 at 2:28 pm

Dear Christine, Femme in Franklin

  • Posted on October 23, 2019 at 1:40 pm

Dear Christine, Do I Have Lesbian Repellant? I’m very femme. I couldn’t stop looking girly if I tried and I wouldn’t anyways.. I love my aesthetic of Curled Hair, Pin-Up looks. I have all kinds of “macho” skills but I appear to be a “Straight” gal to other Lesbians. I’ll admit I’m newly Out…. It’s always been nearly impossible to meet women. Even at an all Lesbian event women will ask if I “just broke up with my boyfriend”. Is there some kind of button I should wear? Is Femme really that offensive? I’ve heard that some Lesbians are into it. I would never change this about myself but I’d sure love to learn to Send out the Right Signals. Any suggestions..?? Dear Femme in Franklin Trust me… Femme is not offensive, nor is it a repellent. Speaking as a Butchly type that appreciates the Femme type. I have also seen and known Femmes that like other Femmes when it comes to *those* kinds of interactions. (the really good kind) Personally I also think that as women we are sometimes socialized to be more submissive and/or aren’t used to making the first move… and so oftentimes it can be a…

Dear Christine, Betrayed in Brownstown

  • Posted on October 6, 2019 at 2:18 pm

Dear Christine, I hope it’s okay to ask a question if I’m not a member of the LGBT community. My son is gay and I follow a lot of things going on in the community, and both his father and myself are very involved and supportive of him. The question, however, is about my marriage. I’ve been married to my husband for 21 years. Early in our marriage I discovered he liked to look at porn. I was hurt and jealous because I couldn’t understand why he needed to look at other women when he had me. We’ve always had a healthy marriage and sex life. I’ve discovered recently that he never stopped looking at porn even though many years ago he promised me he would stop. I am concerned he has an addiction. And I’m furious that he never stopped. He thinks I am over-reacting but I’m beyond distraught and unsure if I want to continue our marriage. Is it normal for men to look at porn? Am I being prude? How do I know if he has a serious addiction? Any advice or thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Betrayed in Brownstown Dear Betrayed,…

Dear Christine, Romantically Confused in Romeo

  • Posted on September 9, 2019 at 1:14 pm

Hi Christine, I am 25 year old female I’ve just lately like a couple months ago realized I’m bisexual even though I have gotten with a women way before then and enjoyed it. I have always found women attractive and when I got older I became very attracted to women sexually. For a while now I’ve been interested in women romantically. I have a wonderful bf but some thing is missing I don’t even like the ideal of sex with guys as much as I use to. I mostly think about is women’s body’s that seems to be what I really like. Also I like the ideal of dating a women . I wanna kiss and cuddle and more with a girl I have imaged my self dating a girl and hanging out the weird thing is though lately with in a week or bit more i had 3 dreams of dating women the last one had very strong like I wanted to be with her long time. Why am I having those kind of dreams? Is bisexual the right label for me? Cause I like guys and straight sex but the desire to date and have sex with them…

Thoughts on Reality By Christine Cantrell, Sunday, August 11, 2019

  • Posted on August 12, 2019 at 10:45 am

“This is how I keep myself from killing people!”  This is a line I hear pop out of my mouth when showing off my abundantly blooming gardens. The first time I heard myself say those words, I was uncomfortable. I am not a violent person. I never have been. I have painful memories and traumas and spent many years in therapy, coming to terms with “soul murder” as incest has been called. I am greatly healed, but when that phrase comes out, I recognize a deep pool of rage from growing up abused and living in this sexist, violent, racist culture. Yesterday I was tense and I couldn’t figure out what triggered it. Oh, right. It was the headline in the New York Times: “Jeffrey Epstein commits suicide.” Rage. Anger. Right on the surface. I transferred my anger into the spade as I stabbed it into the grass to dig a new garden for day-lilies. Of course he commits suicide, in jail, despite attempting suicide, in jail a week ago. Wasn’t that predictable? His victims, at least dozens, if not many more, teenage girls over the last few decades, were trafficked as sex slaves who gave the rich and powerful…

Dear Christine, Worried in Waterford

  • Posted on July 30, 2019 at 11:00 am

Dear Christine, I have been with my partner for several years but for the last few years, we’ve been more like roommates. We don’t share a bedroom, we do a few things together, but mostly we do our own things. A few months ago we talked and confirmed officially that indeed we are just roommates and not “partners”. I was not looking, did not even want to date, but I was at an event and there she was; this new person I had never met or heard of, and we instantly connected. We’ve only had two dates, and I’ve made it clear I want friendship first, plus she is aware I have an ex living with me. So far I like her and want to get to know her better. The concern I have is that I’ve told my roommate that I have met someone and I might want to date and now the roommate seems very depressed and even told me she’s thought of suicide; Not entirely because of our breakup, I think she’s been depressed for a while. I asked her to seek immediate help and she agreed but I’m not sure she will. What should I do?…

Dear Christine, Seeking Peace in Southgate

  • Posted on July 23, 2019 at 10:23 am

Dear Christine, My partner and I love each other very much. We have been together for 35 years. However, our skills of effective conflict resolution are very weak. Would you be able to help us get better at resolving conflicts.  Just recently I was feeling I’d have to leave her to get the peace I want to live with for my last  20 years.  I never told her I’m leaving before. I told her we should go to therapy to save our relationship.  What would you charge to help us to learn healthier ways to resolve conflicts? Signed, Seeking Peace in Southgate Dear Seeking, Thirty five years is a long time to live with and love each other with “weak conflict resolution skills”.  What have you done to resolve conflicts, misunderstandings and tension all these years?  I wonder if one of you has subsumed your identity/wants/needs under the other?  Or you both are tough characters who will keep a commitment, even if it kills you! If you read this blog, you know I encourage psychotherapy to develop healthy coping and conflict resolution skills, along with self-care.  If your partner refuses to join you in couple’s therapy where you both could…