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Dear Christine, What if in Westland

  • Posted on September 24, 2018 at 10:20 am

Dear Christine, i’ve been bi for 6 years… but have always been too nervous to date a girl (or maybe just trying to hide) i’m right now dating a boy. i’ve been with him for a year and a half and for a while we were inseparable, planning to marry and be together forever. the works. but about 2 months ago he dumped me out of the blue. i went crazy and after about a month convinced him to give it another try. but he doesn’t love me anymore. things are very weird and definitely not the same. as this goes on, i’m losing interest. i’ve been thinking about finally coming out to the public and giving up on hiding or whatever it is i’ve been doing. here’s my big problem. i’m madly in crush with this girl i know who i met last year right in the midst of the good part of my relationship with my bf. i thought she was super gorgeous then, but now it’s consuming my every thought. i think about her constantly and it’s driving me crazy not knowing what to do. i kind of want to break up with my boy and pursue…

Dear Christine, Alone in my Own Universe

  • Posted on September 17, 2018 at 9:05 am

Dear Christine: I am a Transgendered Boy. Most of the time I feel very alone and depressed. What’s worse is that every other minute or so I seem to be changing my mind, whether I’m feeling male or female. My brain is buzzing from the constant conflict within me. Please Help me. Signed, Alone in my own Universe Dear Alone, First things first: Before you can start working on being transgendered you need to be screened for any underlying causes. That means getting a physical and mental evaluation. Get screened for depression and possibly Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). These diagnoses are quite common in transgendered folks. You might need proper medication to help you stop the buzzing in your brain. After being treated, your brain works again to help you make clear decisions to resolve your transgendered dilemma. Next, see a gender counselor. Find someone you trust to talk about all your feelings and needs. Remember you are NOT alone. Also check out Transgendered Forums and chat rooms to find someone you can talk to. Avoid talking with bitter people who are negative or discouraging. There are plenty of warm hearted people to chat with. Listen as much at least…

Dear Christine, Susannah in Southfield

  • Posted on September 10, 2018 at 10:02 am

Dear Christine, I can’t believe I’m writing for advice, but I think the time has come. I have been intimately involved with my lover for two years. She has been in a relationship with another woman for eight years. Needless to say, I am the other woman in her life. I am at the point where I want to end our relationship. My problem is I don’t know how. We started out as friends and have had so many fun times together I’m scared of losing that. I don’t want to hurt her, but I am mature and wise enough to know the entire situation seems to be a lost cause. My lover tells me I am trying to put a time limit on when we will be together, but after two years I feel I have the right to know what the future holds for me but there are no answers. Susannah in Southfield Dear Susannah, I think we’ve found a theme this summer: honesty and boundaries. You have put yourself in a relationship full of drama and lies, which may lead to a committed relationship, which would probably be full of trust issues, given how she’s cheating on…

Dear Christine, Curious in Canton

  • Posted on September 4, 2018 at 10:23 am

Dear Christine, I have enjoyed reading you articles but I feel a little out of place sending you a letter. It’s not the kind of thing I ever thought I would do but here goes. I have been in a good relationship for many years and I love my partner. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather be with, however lately I have been feeling very attracted to other men. In the past when another man flirted with me I would have never considered cheating. Lately, I’m not so sure. I don’t know why this is happening but the temptation is very strong. There is not one particular person I have in mind, I just want to go out and be with someone else. Boredom, mid-life crisis? Should I tell my partner I am having these feelings? I guess I’m just curious why I’m feeling this way when I never have before. Let me know what you think, Curious in Canton Hi Curious, I’m just wondering what your relationship has been like the past few years. Do you and your partner spend quality time with each other, focusing on each other without other distractions? Do you make time…

Dear Christine, Choices in Clinton Twp.

  • Posted on July 30, 2018 at 9:11 am

Dear Christine, I am having trouble making a decision. I moved to Michigan 3 years ago and have since met a wonderful woman who I have been living with for the last year. I have been missing, my home, family and friends back in New York though and now I have an opportunity to move back as I have been offered an amazing job opportunity. I want my girlfriend to come with me and she is saying no. She is retired, has no kids, no siblings and no parents in Michigan, only a few close friends. In New York, I have two sisters, and my two grown sons and a granddaughter who is a newborn. My choice is clearly to take the job and move back home, however, “J” is begging me to stay. We’ve talked about a long distance relationship and I’ll be making enough money to visit often but I’m so angry that she won’t move with me that I’m wondering if in the end, I should just break it off and move. I do absolutely love her but this opportunity is too good to pass up. I wish she would look at it as an adventure and…

Dear Christine, Falling Short Of Love in Livonia

  • Posted on July 23, 2018 at 10:45 am

Dear Christine, I have been involved in a gay relationship for four years. For the past few months times have been tough, though somehow we got through them. A year ago my partner’s father died and left her with nothing. Her mother put up the money on a house and moved in with us. This was the only way my partner could afford to buy a house. I contribute to the house payment but own nothing of the property. My lover’s mother suffers from a mental disorder which causes her to go completely off her head at times and not remember a thing. I am starting to resent my partner for dragging me into this situation, even though I consented to the whole thing. My other problem is my best friend left last month to work overseas. I miss her terribly and told her I have been in love with her for three years. It started with a game of Truth or Dare. I regret mentioning my feelings as I am afraid of losing my best friend. I just want to run away. The walls of my life are closing in, and I don’t know where the door is anymore. …

Dear Christine, Damaged Goods Downriver

  • Posted on July 15, 2018 at 7:47 pm

Dear Christine, I am a 28-year-old gay man. I came out when I was 18 and since then I’ve enjoyed a healthy, active dating life. I’ve always been comfortable with my sexuality. Three months ago, however, I tested HIV-positive and since then feel like I have to come out all over again. I haven’t been able to start dating yet because I’m afraid of how people will react when I tell them about my situation. And I don’t know what the rules are. What do I tell people? When do I tell people? And, if safe sex really is safe, do I have to tell them at all? And mostly I’m afraid (although I know it sounds crazy) that no one’s ever going to love me again. Damaged Goods Downriver Dear Damaged Goods: I hear you, coming out all over again, now as HIV + being just as confused and uncertain how to tell others as you were to tell people you were gay 10 years ago. Trust your instincts with people, and tell those who feels safe to you. There may be some rejection from some people, but if they were people you wanted to date or be friends…

Dear Christine, A Reader in Rochester

  • Posted on July 9, 2018 at 10:12 am

Hi Dr. Christine, My partner and I have been together 19 years and overall we’re both happy together. Lately, though, I noticed she is asking me to pay the utility bills she always pays, saying she has no money. I pay a set, agreed upon amount for rent and living expenses, and we both do the chores and shopping. She does the upkeep and maintenance on the house, which is in her name only. She was burned in a prior relationship and she has always said she will not ever consider adding me to the deed. I’m confused because she has a good job and makes more money than I do, and I don’t know why she wouldn’t have money for the bills she’s used to paying regularly. I don’t think she’s gambling or using drugs, but I can’t figure out what is going on. Any suggestions? A Reader in Rochester. Dear Reader: You raise several important issues. We gays and lesbians do not have access to the legal rights that married people get through their wedding license, such as joint home ownership or rights of survivorship to a house, should the owning partner die. We also cannot get half…

Dear Christine, Snooping in Southfield

  • Posted on July 2, 2018 at 10:27 am

Dear Christine,  I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. We have been together for 4 months, and everything is going well. But sometimes when I’m on her computer, girls message her about the great time that they had the night before, when it was supposed to be our apart night. I can’t help but see the messages because they pop right on the screen. The other day, I was sending an e-mail from her computer, and I accidentally stumbled on a hot and steamy e-mail from another girl, and I recognized her e-mail from the messages. I want to confront her but I’m afraid that she will think that I am snooping, and/or that I am over reacting. What do you think? Should I call her on it? How can I without her thinking I’m a snoop? Am I a Snoop? Dear Snooping in Southfield, This is all about boundaries. Has your girlfriend given you permission to go on her computer, and is she aware that when you or anyone does, these messages from other people pop up? If she has given her permission and is aware, then you are not a snoop and you have a legitimate right…

Dear Christine,Too Trusting in Trenton

  • Posted on June 25, 2018 at 9:32 am

Dear Christine, I think once again I’ve gotten myself into a bad situation. I seem to have the worst instincts when it comes to trusting people. My first two girlfriends both cheated on me after a couple years together and my 3rd serious partner decided she was straight after 5 years. The latest romance went too fast, I know. I really fell for her and moved her into my house after only 6 months. I just found out she was stealing from me. At first jewelry was missing, then I noticed the cash in my wallet seemed less than I remembered, but the biggest blow came when I realized she used my credit card to make purchases. She has denied it all but I’ve given her the boot, Is it me, or just bad luck? Signed, Too Trusting in Trenton   Dear Too Trusting, Well, you can believe in bad luck, but you can’t do anything about that.  The common denominator here, as you stated, is that you trust people in a serious, committed relationship, living together an all, and then get betrayed.  Each of your ex’s may have a problem, but you can’t do anything about them.  You can…